'The Onion' Takes a Jab at Iowans' Love for 'Mayo-Based Dishes'

In a world of increasing craziness, where political headlines read like satire, I've become increasingly invested in The Onion for my humor intake. I find satire the most difficult of comedy writing, so I admire those who can crank out hilarious articles and faux news blurbs at the rate that I write for my radio station websites.

The Onion leaves no stone unturned in their pursuit of a laugh. They tackle politics, entertainment, pop culture, and the banal. Take a look at the headlines on their website today, for example:

Yesterday, Iowa found itself in the crosshairs of The Onion. As we Midwesterners brace for a brutal heat wave that will see heat indices shoot up into the 100s, the satirical paper dropped an article called: "Iowa Opens Emergency Cooling Stations for Mayo-Based Dishes."

This hilarious blurb makes a crack at Iowans' love for all things salad, creamy, and fat, so much so that the joke is that in times of brutal heat, Iowans will look to preserve such items as potato salads and seven-layer dips:

Effective immediately, we’re installing portable air-conditioners and power misters across the state to ensure our mayonnaise-filled salads make it through this heatwave safely. Too many tuna salads are lost every year after being left to warm over in the hot sun. That these are preventable losses only makes it even more heartbreaking to see. - "Emergency Management Director John Benson," per The Onion

The idea that Iowans would take extra precautions to assure their tuna salads and other items survive during a heat wave is... not unorthodox. Therein lies the beauty of the joke.

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The quote from the fictitious Emergency Management Director John Benson ends with: "When you see the top layer of your side dish start to sweat, it might already be past the point of no return." That quote should be recited like gospel in the state of Iowa. After all, as The Onion article concludes, "macaroni salads [are] much more sensitive to extreme heat than a full-grown adult."

Read the full article warning Iowans to protect their mayo-based dishes on The Onion's website.